i wonder if i am just being self-indulgent.

i wonder if i'm holding on to the ashes of what was once a beautiful dream.

i wonder if i'm holding on to it because the loneliness of not having it, is better than the emptiness of not having anything at all.

being in this place was never good for my mental health or my soul. there's too much here. too tightly packed. too much emotions. too many negatives. it's foul, oppressive and nauseating.

i sincerely hope i am still in a good place at the end of my time here.

when i see people taking significant steps forward, all i can feel is a sense of despair and panic. while rationally i know that everything i am doing is a step forward to get to where i want to be.. the fact that some managed to skip the tiny steps i'm making now isn't helping with the negative emotions.

seeing all the girls still together even after 10 years makes my soul warm and fuzzy and my heart ache all at the same time. so many thoughts run through my head at the same time. when did life get so complicated. when did the world intrude? when did we stop loving each other so trustingly and wholeheartedly? when did we become so cruel? will everything last till i'm 50 or 60? can we hold each other through life like this?

i'm just so tired now

goodbye

I thought that everything would be the same. That the world could change and that tiny little part of my life would always remain constant. However, the heart is a fickle one isn't it?

The more I think about it, the more I feel that there isn't anything left here for me.

I thought if I stayed, one day we would go full circle and end up back here again. But even if we were to end up here again in the future,  the unhappiness, the distance and the discontent would just rip us apart. I want the world, you want here.

While I never particularly did anything for you, I refuse to allow you to be part of the consideration any longer. All that has brought me is heartache. Cause it has always been about you, even to yourself. You selfish bastard. I knew that you would never see me the way I wanted you too.. But I didn't think I'd mean so little to you. 

I think I'm done with this. Done with feeling hollow and empty. Done with yearning.

I thought that everything would be the same. That the world could change and that tiny little part of my life would always remain constant. However, the heart is a fickle one isn't it?

The more I think about it, the more I feel that there isn't anything left here for me.

I thought if I stayed, one day we would go full circle and end up back here again. But even if we were to end up here again in the future,  the unhappiness, the distance and the discontent would just rip us apart. I want the world, you want here.

While I never particularly did anything for you, I refuse to allow you to be part of the consideration any longer. All that has brought me is heartache. Cause it has always been about you, even to yourself. You selfish bastard. I knew that you would never see me the way I wanted you too.. But I didn't think I'd mean so little to you. 

I think I'm done with this. Done with feeling hollow and empty. Done with yearning.

goodbye

I thought that everything would be the same. That the world could change and that tiny little part of my life would always remain constant. However, the heart is a fickle one isn't it?

The more I think about it, the more I feel that there isn't anything left here for me.

I thought if I stayed, one day we would go full circle and end up back here again. But even if we were to end up here again in the future,  the unhappiness, the distance and the discontent would just rip us apart. I want the world, you want here.

While I never particularly did anything for you, I refuse to allow you to be part of the consideration any longer. All that has brought me is heartache. Cause it has always been about you, even to yourself. You selfish bastard. I knew that you would never see me the way I wanted you too.. But I didn't think I'd mean so little to you. 

I think I'm done with this. Done with feeling hollow and empty. Done with yearning.